Ed's Dead, Baby... Ed's Dead

I'd like to announce how shocked I was to hear of Ed's recent Bus accident, and more distressingly, the fact that he will no longer be able to post here at The Handsomes. I anticipate that we will have to search for many, many minutes before a qualified candidate is found to replace him.

But rather than dwell on the negative, I thought I'd share a few of the happier moments Ed and I enjoyed while he was mobile. For instance, there was that time the two of us got drunk on a bottle of Wild Turkey and then wandered to the dog park! We stumbled around the place like... like a couple of drunken kids on Easter morning! No, not in search of eggs, but dog shit--dog shit we planned to put in paper bags, which would then be set ablaze on people's porches. Unfortunately, we didn't have any paper bags, so as I rested on one of the park's benches, Ed scurried about filling his pockets with excrement. Man, we had some laughs that day.

And then there was the time Ed called me up one night in a panic:

*Ring-a-ling-a-ding*

"Hello?"
"Wino!! Shit, I'm so glad you're there, man!" Ed said between sobs.
"Ed--what's shakin'?"
"Wino, I fucked up, man--I fucked up bad! It's over! It's fuckin OVER for me!"
"--ED! Relax, dude--just tell Wino what's wrong, so he can get to making it all better."


Ed: "I told you never to look me in the eyes!! Argghh!!!"

Ed then related how he had accidently killed a Malaysian prostitute and that he needed help disposing of the body. Oh, Ed. What a character! I quickly devised a scheme to harvest the whore's organs, put them on ice and then sell them back to her own people through the black market. She netted us thirty-thousand dollars by the end of that day, and we both purchased luxury hot tubs for our houses with the money earned!