Wino's F.inal U.niversity Essay

See below!!!

"Are you done school yet?" I ask. Wino has been holed up in his room for weeks. I'm vaguely aware that he has exams now, and essays to do. But he hasn't left the house for a while...so...?

"Almost," he says. "I have two more essays to do."

"No more exams?"

"No, I did those last week. This is all I have left."

"Wait, why are the essays due after the exams?" Because I gots ta know.

"Well...they sort of aren't. They were due a couple weeks ago."

"Don't they care?"

Wino has a slug of Coke. "Nah...I play these guys like a banjo. I just tell them how 'overwhelmed' I am with things, and I can hand them in when I please."

"Nice. Don't do that when you join the porno industry. They have strict deadlines, those porno guys."

"Meh."

"So what's this one you're writing?"

"It's my last one. Finally. I'm writing about feminism, because males can never give anything about feminism a bad grade."

I pretend to puke in my mouth. Feminism? "You'd better be writing on the 'con' side, or else I'll have to take your balls."

Wino sniffs. "The dog already got 'em. Nah, you write for feminism for the easy grade."

"Those fag professors," I shake my head. "It's like leading a donkey with a carrot. But think about it though, your last essay, ever, is going to be about feminism. Is that what you want?"

Wino stiffens. "I'm only acknowledging feminism. I'm not 'for' it. There's a difference."

"Acknowledging a point is a sign of weakness. I think you're showing your femininity. You're giving in to the pink side," I goad.

Wino tosses his can into his trash. It's heaping with others. "I'll become a card-carrying feminist the moment I'm as hairy as one of 'em," he says.


Deep down, a true feminist...
wants to be a MAN!!